After two decades with the NBA, Bryant wrote a poem to the sport saying that he will retire at the end of the 2015-2016 season.
1. Calculate how many minutes it will take to get frostbite if you go outside without gloves.
So it’s -10 with a windchill around -30. I have a good seven minutes to go down and get the mail.
2. Navigate the Mall of America.
“OK, we’re at S139 right now, so I’m going to walk towards Macy’s.”
*dodges slow walking tourist*
“How about Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory at 4:30 for the meeting place?”
3. The Minnesota Goodbye.
“Did you get your pie plate? Here, let me wash it again for you. Oh, I never asked you how Bob’s shoulder surgery went!”
Because it’s the best way to turn summer sports into winter sports.
5. Make a hotdish out of whatever is sitting in the pantry.
Meat, cheese, mayonnaise, and everything in between.
6. Keep from slipping and falling on ice.
Well, most of the time.
7. Tell if the lake is good to drive on.
We all know that friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s cousin who lost his brand new Polaris to being an eager beaver.
8. Drive in a blizzard.
Fog lights? Check.
9. Properly assemble lefse.
“Oh, so they’re like crepes—”
“IT’S NOT LIKE CREPES!!!”
10. Small talk.
Stay warm out there!
11. When to shift into D2.
Brakes? More like backstabbing spaz pedals.
12. Rock purple.
13. And most of all, be nice.
Well, we wouldn’t want to make a scene, now.