Many of us search for approval from those around us, even authority figures. We feel that if we agree with everything they say, or do all they ask of us then we will gain their acceptance. This leads us to become virtual yes women (or men). Contrary to our belief, this does not lead to instant approval. Conversely, it leads to us becoming doormats or being seen as brainless drones.
We are all socialized not to go against the grain, even if we don’t agree with a course of action, because we don’t want to stand out or be shunned. However, being a yes woman for the sake of it, can make us lose sight of who we are and leave us stuck.
Grow a backbone!
Here’s how to get out of the yes woman trap:
- Get to know yourself – This well help you be sure of what you stand for and make it easier for you to say exactly what you feel about a certain situation. This is not an easy exercise but it is worth it to know that when you say yes it is what you truly mean and that if you have to disagree, you can do that respectfully as well.
- Improve your self-esteem – We are all valuable human beings with the right to have our own opinions. Sometimes not realising our value leads to us being yes women. But once we develop an appreciation for ourselves then we can also accept our opinion as equal to that of others.
- Evaluate your position – Each time you are asked to do something or you have to give your opinion, take a minute to evaluate your stance. Determine whether this is something you want to do or what your thoughts are on the topic. Don’t rush to answer and then realise that you did or said something that goes against who you are.
- Be firm – You get to know yourself, and you build your self-esteem but you need to stand firm with what you believe. When you are feeling the pressure, don’t get hot under the collar. Keep your cool and restate your position. You will be asked to reconsider or to do things you don’t like over and over again, but be firm in your position especially if the position is immoral or illegal.
Saying yes to everything can slowly kill the real you and makes others lose respect for you. So stand up for who you are and what you believe in and you would be surprised how many people would respect and like you for staying true to yourself.
Source – kurama