In the end, this isn’t something to worry about. It’s impossible to share everything with someone, especially if the subject never comes up. Plus, it’s always fun getting to know more about your lover and best friend and sharing more about yourself.
One of the things that’ll surprise you about marriage is that you actually don’t know your partner as well as you thought. This is true even if you’re best friends and even if you’re the closest person to them. You find out that they’re actually a lot stronger in certain ways and more sensitive in others.
This is also true when it comes to sex. As a couple, you should keep the conversation open and going. Don’t assume that you know what your partner wants (you’ll never know if their needs have changed) and don’t take it personally if you have to learn more about what pleases them in the bedroom. Communication is key here, just like with any other part of your relationship.
Below you’ll find what some wives have actually thought about sex but avoided saying out loud. Don’t be alarmed by these. They aren’t common or true for everyone, just in some cases. If you find that these may be issues in your relationship, talk about it with your partner.
#1. “Wrong hole, wrong hole!”
Your partner will probably say this one out loud. Whether it was an accident and you genuinely couldn’t tell one hole from the other or you’re trying to sneak a fast one, you should be more careful.
#2. “Did you just watch that in a porno or something?”
Moves, sounds, everything. During sex, your partner has a better view of you than you do of yourself. When you reenact things you’ve picked up from a porno, whether or not you realize it, it’s probably very obvious. And for some couples, there’s nothing wrong with that (some watch it together). We all have different things that turn us on. But yeah, it’s noticeable.
#3. “Why do you get to keep all your clothes on?”
Sometimes, one partner is completely naked while the other is partially clothed. Shoes, socks, boxers at the ankles, for example. Maybe your partner is okay with it, maybe it’s weird. Again, it depends on the couple.
#4. “Too much, just way too much!”
This one applies to kissing. It’s nice, really nice actually, to feel wanted by your partner. No wrong by that. But when you make like a hungry beast and don’t feel for whether or not your partner is responding to your appetite, then you might want to tone it down.
#5. “Can we just get it over with?”
There can be a number of reasons for this one. They could really, really want it, so much so that they want to skip the foreplay. Another reason could be that they’ve got a busy day ahead of them. When you’re married and working, time for sex can be scarce. You have to make time for it, and unfortunately, sometimes it’ll be a shorter amount of time than you want. But that’s something you can work out, so talk about it.
#6. “My ex liked doing that too.”
Ouch, this one’s probably something you’d rather not hear. We don’t know why your partner would be thinking of your ex, but it’s probably just pattern recognition if anything.
#7. “Ouch, that hurts.”
Before you start grinning about how satisfying your moves are, make sure you’re paying attention to your partner’s reactions. Go ahead and nibble here or there, but there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.
#8. “Are we done yet?”
If you’re partner is a little more limp during sex than usual, find out why. Always make sure to check in with your partner emotionally. While there’s a chance that it’s something between the two of you, it’s also very possible that it’s something else such as family, friend, or work issues. They could’ve also had a really long day. Yes, sex is exciting but when you’re tired you’re tired.
#9. “Can you please stop talking?”
A lot of us are turned on by different sounds. The sound of our partner’s moaning or even our own. The sound of banging on the headboard. Some people like to talk dirty. But there is such a thing as too much.
#10. “Slow down, it isn’t a marathon.”
It’s important to try to match your partner’s pace as best possible. Your partner can be extremely turned on with gentle caresses throughout the body, you don’t have to go at it fast and hard. It’s almost self-gratifying to go at it that way. However, there are some people out there who prefer this kind of sex. In that case, carry on.
#11. “You can come in now.”
On the contrary, don’t be too much of a tease. Moments can pass, you know.
#12. “Can I just make a quick call?”
This is a rare and awkward one but it does happen. Perhaps there’s something on your partner’s mind and they want to clear it but need to make a phone call to do it. Chances are they won’t say so because they don’t want to ruin the moment.
#13. “But is it all the way in?”
Sometimes, the size of your penis may feel different on different occasions so your wife might wonder this. It could be the size of your erection or maybe she’s been doing her Kegel exercises, so it isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
#14. “I can do this better myself.”
Hey, it’s better than hearing that a third party can do it better. We all know our own bodies best, so there’s nothing wrong with this truth. She isn’t competing with you.
Some thoughts: Does your wife ever stimulate herself during intercourse? Invite her to do this or allow her teach you, no matter how deep you are in the relationship or marriage. Humility is key. I know, it’s hard, but you gotta do it. No pun intended.