1. I wouldn’t be making that much more money in a corporate job, right?
Riiiight? Right. Right.
2. What if I didn’t yell at this kid for misbehaving? What if I just stared at them for a really long time instead?
That could work.
3. Would this kid’s parents get mad at me if I told him he needed to buy some deodorant ASAP?
Cause it’s the truth.
4. Does this kid really think I’m stupid enough to believe this story about why he doesn’t have his homework?
5. Would anybody notice if I went home a little early from my prep period?
6. Is this parent seriously telling me that their child is “very gifted” in this parent-teacher conference?
Lol, “very gifted”.
7. Will I need to buy *any* Christmas gifts for my family this year, or can I just regift everything my students gave me?
Hope you like chocolates and candles, family.
8. Am I just a regular hero, or the greatest hero of all time for staying at school so late with these students?
God I’m such a hero.
9. I wonder what it would be like to read something for pleasure?
Not that marking papers isn’t great.
10. Would anybody notice if I just stole this one, perfect, precious little angel?
11. Like, what did this kid’s parents do so right?
12. When this kid accepts her Nobel Prize, will she thank me in her speech?
Probably. I taught her everything she knows, after all.
13. Ok, WHAT do I have to do to make these kids shut up right now???
PLEASE, CHILDREN, I’LL DO ANYTHING.
14. How honest should I be when someone asks me, “How was your day?”?
Like should I tell them about the pee thing?
15. How can I leave school without talking to ANYBODY on Friday after class?
I’ll take the secret back route.
16. I wonder if this student can tell that I don’t understand his question?
I should just keep nodding and furrowing my brow.
17. Who raised this kid picking his nose like it’s nothing?
18. Why won’t they listen to me? Do they just…not like me?
19. I wonder if my accountant friend ever gets peed on at work?
Nope? Just me?
20. Should I just quit, and move to the south of France, and never speak to a child again?
21. Oh my god, are those two teachers dating?
They definitely are.
22. Does this kid just need to grow up a bit, or will he always be terrible?
There are some pretty terrible adults out there, after all.
23. Did those two students really think I wouldn’t seethat?
What do you take me for?
24. How does this kid ever think she’ll learn if shecopies her work from others???
25. Is it 74 days till summer break, or 75?
26. Why am I crying at the end of the year even though these kids caused me so much grief?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??